This column appeared in the Arizona Daily Sun in November 2003.
Got game? Try this pop quiz
By Ed Odeven
G’day, ladies and gentlemen and students of all ages. It’s time once again for the once-a-semester pop quiz you’ve come to expect from Odds and Evens.
With the fall semester winding down, I think today’s the perfect time to give y’all a fun quiz. Some of you will be bogged down with real final examinations in a few weeks; therefore, you can use a practice quiz. For the rest of you, today’s just another day to, ahem, prove how smart you are.
This quiz is intended to test your ability to be selective, to differentiate between correct and not-so-correct answers.
Grab a pen or pencil or magenta crayon. … You know the drill.
Why are we reading about an entity from the South called the Horned Frogs this week?
A) Because Rush Limbaugh says frogs make a better main dish for your Thanksgiving feast than turkey.
B) Because Howard Dean says real Americans need to read more stories about frogs and their tough lives.
C) Because the latest hit song on the techno-bluegrass charts is by a band called the Funky Horned Frogs and Totally Silly Toads.
D) Because TCU’s BS, er, BCS title shot aspirations went down the drain with a 40-28 loss to Southern Mississippi Thursday night.
How many people believe the Arizona Cardinals will go 13-3 next year?
A) A guy in Oaxaca who downed two too many shots of tequila.
B) Bill Bidwill’s long-lost twin and two cyclists in the Czech Republic.
C) Everybody who has ever seen the movie “ET” at least six times multiplied by the number of albums the late Johnny Cash recorded.
D) Get real — it’s zero.
What will Keyshawn Johnson NOT be doing on Dec. 25?
A) Stroking his ego.
B) Opening his big mouth.
D) Calling up and thanking Jon Gruden for his wonderful early Christmas gift, i.e., granting him his not-so subtle wish to never be on the same sideline as the Tampa Bay coach ever again.
How many stories have you read in the last month revealing that Oklahoma assistant coach Mike Stoops “may be interested” in the University of Arizona football team’s head coaching job?
B) 2 1/2.
C) Who’s this Stoops guy again, some extra from “The Three Stooges”?
D) At least 33.
What lame excuse is tennis star Kim Clijsters using as a reason why she may boycott the 2004 Summer Olympics?
A) She has season tickets to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.
B) She’s taking the year off to write a book about croissant connoisseurs.
C) She’s planning to embark on a lucrative career as a Britney Spears impersonator, starting today, in Hong Kong.
D) She wears Fila apparel and the Belgian Olympic Committee insists its athletes wear Adidas gear.
Who is Mike Orthmann?
A) A funky philanthropist from Philadelphia.
B) The world’s most accomplished whistler.
C) The worst free-throw shooter ever.
D) NAU’s assistant head coach/tight ends coach.
Which statement(s) best describe(s) a Miami Heat-Toronto Raptors game?
A) The greatest show on Earth.
B) The first team to score 52 points is declared the winner; otherwise, this contest might go to nine overtimes.
C) Lord have mercy, why’d I bother to spend two hours watching this crap?
D) B and C.
What will 50,000-plus people be doing this afternoon in Edmonton, Alberta?
A) Admiring the skyline.
B) Holding picket signs that say “Tracy McGrady is a big baby.”
C) Repeatedly singing “Yellow Submarine,” “I Am The Walrus,” and “Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da,” setting the world record for the world’s largest a cappella group in the process.
D) Watching Mark Messier, Wayne Gretzky, Larry Robinson and other former stars play in an outdoor hockey game at Commonwealth Stadium before they view the Canadiens-Oilers game, the NHL’s first-ever regular season contest played outside, that will follow it.
Award yourself one point for each correct answer, minus-55 if you didn’t figure out the pattern of the answers.